Step #5 – Presence
I know what it feels like when I meet somebody who has a strong ‘presence‘ about them. When I do, I find them truly compelling, their words seem more meaningful and I sense that they are passing something to me…beyond their words.
What is presence and why is this important in business?
So, I use the word presence in two ways:
- How To Be Present
- How To Bring Your Presence
Now, they go together, but understanding the distinction is also important.
And, in a woman’s body and woman’s life this has A LOT to do with Pleasure!
1. What does being present really mean?
Ram Dass wrote his famous book “Be Here Now” and Eckhart Tolle wrote his book called “The Power of Now”. But this concept has been the very veins that have run through all spiritual teachings for thousands of years.
It is as simple as keeping focused on now and not worrying about the past or what the future holds; and it is as difficult as keeping focused on now and not worrying about the past or what the future holds!
…and this is why spiritual teachers can base their entire discourse on this one thing! Just freaking being present! Not being able to do this is at the heart of the human condition and is at the heart of true mastery over yourself, your life and your success.
Being present enables me to stay focused, alive and nimble on my feet as an entrepreneur. I know for myself that if I drift and go down the track of bemoaning mistakes I’ve made (the past) or worrying about outcomes (the future), I cannot be really present to my mission or to my clients…neither of which are tenable for me.
Meditation is a key to learning to be present.
Another thing that I do is to enroll gratitude in my life as a way to bring me to now, be present, alive and focusing on the great things that I have in my life, right now, this minute. This brings me out of any past or future tripping pretty damn quickly.
Future tripping is the biggest way to stop being present. Past tripping does the same thing.
Also, if you are future or past tripping this is no way to build a relationship with…anybody! Whether you are with your lover or with a client they will know that you are not 100% present with them. So, turn off facebook and your phone and all other distractions and give your 100% attention to your beloved clients, lover or children.
2. What does bringing your presence really mean?
This is about shining, coming out of hiding, pleasure and self-care. These all go hand in hand. At first this is terrifying to so many women. We have suffered a lot throughout the ages as women and I’ve observed how this has encouraged a culture of hiding our gifts and not shining…too much. OR, the only way we have come out of hiding is by being in man-mode, as that is the way we were taught to be visible and successful…and feel safe. So true for me, that’s for sure.
Especially the notion of shining as a woman, being in your feminine power, in your luscious, juicy femininity, feeling pleasure and marrying this with the world of business! Now this is about shining ourselves, our power and bringing a new impulse to a world that is so hungry for feminine values to come back to the forefront.
The Dalai Lama quoted “The world will be saved by the Western Woman”. I believe that he was foreseeing what is coming for the world and that feminine values are desperately needed for our world to get back on track. An important feminine value is presence. Another is that of pleasure. We, as women are built for pleasure. So, if you are not feeling that then you need guidance and mentoring to help you get back into that experience of yourself.
For women, it is easier to start to bring yourself out of hiding when you find a great tribe or community in which they encourage this. Coming out of the ‘lone-wolf’ syndrome is part of this. It’s time to stop acting alone and start to work in community.
Another thing required if you want to bring your presence is embodiment. Embodiment means owning and being grounded and alive in your own body. Again, this will mean that you are feeling pleasure in your body. I know, I know I keep harping on this one!
To do this you have to learn how to really love your body with all of it’s different shapes, curves and (perceived) flaws. When you do, you will start to experience the innate pleasure that is held in your body. It will start to erupt out of you as this is your natural state!
Loving every square inch of it from top to bottom. It is then, and only then, that you will be able to truly embody your presence. Needless to say, this is a process of it’s own as media and social expectations make this difficult for many women.
I remember, how much I used to hate my nose when I was a teenager. I thought it was too big and shaped wrongly. I really really wanted my perception of a perfect upward curved feminine nose. I met a woman when I was 23 who said to me once “Candice, whatever you do, don’t change your nose, it is perfect and classic”. This shocked me at the time, but it cracked something about my perception of myself. This women thought MY nose was perfect. Why didn’t I? From there forward I started to learn to love my body and features and stop comparing myself to others. This lead me to being able to be more in my body, owning it and then able to shine my presence through it.
Your ability to bring your presence AND be present requires you to love yourself with all of your beauty, flaws and the mistakes you have made and will make! You do this for others every day, now it’s time for you!
Self-care is a big one to allow your presence to shine. Women who put themselves last are withdrawing from their presence account. And self-care adds to your presence account.
Self care has become know as “Radical Self Care!”….I want to take the radical out of this statement so that it becomes normal again to make self-care a top priority in your life. It has become radical due to the chronic lack of it around us! To do this self-care needs to be scheduled in as important as any meeting, client, peer or work plan.
Here’s to your juicy feminine successful business!
The next essential step in the 7 Step Feminine Success System is that of Performance.