Most people desire a fulfilling sexual life and that many do not prioritize it or talk about it. Therefore, I encourage you to do the following:
- Write down the issues that are preventing you from having the sexual life you want. Then write down a plan for how to address and resolve those issues. (For example, talk with your doctor about your medication side effects, hit the gym to feel more sexy, get in couples’ therapy about your relationship issues, get in individual therapy about your addiction to porn, etc.)
- Connect with your body through exercise and mindfulness techniques to increase body awareness. Take care of yourself so you feel desirable and confident.
- Quiet your mind chatter via meditation and ask the deeper self within what you desire sexually. Notice any negative thoughts that induce guilt or shame, breathe them out and let them go. Replace them with a mantra such as, “I am a sexual being and deserve a healthy sexual life.”
- Find your voice and talk with you partner(s) about your sexual feelings, needs and desires. Be open and honest. Use “I” statements, rather than “you” statements to decrease defensiveness “I desire more oral sex” versus “You never go down on me.” Like in parenting and management, you need to give three positive statements for every piece of negative feedback (“I love when you do this, this and this, but am not really loving that…”)
- Care enough about yourself to nurture and tend to your sexual life. Like most things in life worth having, achieving your best and healthiest sexual self requires attention and effort.
Because everything is interconnected, you will find that when you awaken your sexual self, you will tap into powerful life energy that will inspire the rest of your life to blossom.
~ By JOYCE MARTER, LCPC