The Leaning Tower of Pisa, wasn’t supposed to be leaning, but if it were straight it probably wouldn’t be such a popular tourist attraction.
I’m a recovering perfectionist, which is probably why I know a thing or two about this topic.
I mean, I love producing beautiful videos, creating awesome programs, leading my international sisterhood and, frankly, doing things really well. …and I’m critical of what I produce at every step single step of the process.
Whether it’s a new video, or a new program, a livestream or a blog post.
Here’s the deal
I let go, publish, and move forward.
Now, I’ve been fascinated by excellence my whole life.
As It Turns Out
Studies have shown that perfectionism is closely related to shame. it’s like we’re trying to hide something behind being perfect.
“Where there is perfectionism, there is always shame” says Brene Brown.
And perfectionism isn’t the same as healthy striving or a desire for excellence.
Deep vulnerability is what I’ve been facing soooo intensely in the last few weeks.
It was my birthday last week and I find the solar return, when the Sun returns to the Sun triggers my biggest core wound, that of the withdrawal of the masculine.
I have been trained in astrology for over 20 years and the Sun represents the masculine, the father, so the solar return highlights this in me. You see, my father died when I was 13 years old.
This belief that the masculine will abandon me is very deep inside me, and got triggered again this birthday, despite the fact that the man in my life keeps turning up as so solid, so constant, like a pillar of Divine Love for me.
Why does this matter?
Somewhere along the line I, you, we were taught that vulnerability means weakness. The core message passed to me from my family was “Whatever you do, don’t be seen as vulnerable, not coping, not…..pretending”
Vulnerability is strength. There is power inside it. Courage. A discovery of our heart. Our humanity.
Recognizing, opening to and living through vulnerability and surrender has been an ongoing theme for me in the last few years.
Last week, I reacted to my partner, I believed he was withdrawing, but I knew that I had to speak out my biggest fear, my core wound to him. I had to stop hiding this. I had to let it be seen.
Being seen, speaking up and coming out of hiding are some of the most difficult things for women to do.
Oprahs recent Golden Globe acceptance speech impressed on us that “Speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we have”.
It takes vulnerability to do this Huge, copious, messy chunks of it. …and we can’t do that alone. Brene Brown wrote a book called “Daring Greatly” in which she quotes “…embracing our vulnerability is risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy” —> Click here to hear more about the Power Of Vulnerability
He became a solid pillar of love for me; he reassured me; of his love, of his care, of his presence.
My vulnerability was seen, held sacred and adored.
I feel more open, closer to him and more real inside.
I encourage you to dare greatly and embrace your vulnerability as one of the key entry ways into your feminine power.
Your feminine essence is just longing and stretching to be embodied by every bone of your being.
You see, the inner forces of your innate feminine know-how are residing within you already! The feminine stream wants to flow and ooze in between all of the curves and crevices in your body, and as a result, pour itself into your body movements, speech and different states of simply being .
Although this energy lives within you, she may feel suppressed and hidden behind the leading masculine energy.
So how did you get here?
Society is dominated by masculinity at almost every corner! Being action-focused, goal-oriented, and constantly doing, doing, doing is pushing people forward, and unfortunately, as women we are reap the wrecking ball effect of this directional pull.
Feminine energy is open, fluid and receptive, and when we women connect to this pole, the force is translated into our life, work and relationships.
Unfortunately, the values of community, support, receptivity, love, and harmony also end up hidden in the valleys of a place far, far away…
And as a result, women’s overall health and well-being is suffering, and her flame for life is slowly dying whether she is fully aware of it or not. Now, more than ever we must connect to our feminine essence to preserve the preciousness of our true powers.
The good news is
The entire planet is wanting a resurfacing of feminine energy to gracefully fill the cracks and gaps left as a result of the ever-pursuing masculine. And if you are a woman lost in her man-mode mask, you are probably craving for your feminine zest to surface again!
You have a deep knowing of who you are at your core, and you must listen to her if you want to revive and stay alive through your feminine power.
You have to listen to her voice. She is soft and gentle, and values things like…slowing down and indulging in out breaths to create more space to enjoy life.
Your feminine essence is also seeking sensuality, pleasure and creativity to fully fill you up.
Did you know that softening is one of the greatest paths to true inner strength?
And yes, you read those words correctly…
…softening leads to strength.
This belief is certainly not what society wants us to adopt and accept, however for a woman who presents herself to the world through her flowing, feminine essence, one of our greatest superpowers is in the softening.
Softening puts you on a plush path to opening, and opening is like the budding flower blossoming into full pedals of feminine power.
Learning to soften our body, our voice and our mental chatter are 3 feminine keys for how to soften.
Maybe you can relate to my previous beliefs of thinking that strength came from being hard, self-assured and forthright.
A bit closed even.
I was taught..
How strength was equated to the amount of intensity in our efforts and actions.
How much can you push every fiber of your being forward to get as many things done in a certain period of time? How much can you produce?
How strong and assertive can you be in the corporate work-place, a field dominated by men and masculinity?
Sound like anyone you know?
It felt like whenever the word strength or success came up, a picture of a really macho, masculine man would appear in my mind, and I would funnel all of my actions through this image.
I didn’t hear strength or success in the same sentence as femininity, and the word softness was on a different page altogether!
If anything, my perspective on the world was that strength meant hardness and being tough.
My poor body and voice would then carry that strength and rigidity in my communication with people, friends and lovers.
The more I lived life like this, worked like this and conducted relationships like this, the more pain I felt inside, and the more “separate” I felt and the less like my authentic self.
The more I lived life like this…the less I attracted truly masculine men toward me…in fact, usually the opposite…but that’s a story for another day.